I can’t for the life of me decide if it’s that I miss you or I miss being with someone.
I miss you sometimes so much it hurts. I still talk about us like we’re together and that we just haven’t seen each other in awhile. You’re name is still in my mouth and it doesn’t come out tasting bitter. When people talk about their loved ones, I talk about you.
It’s been a year and I haven’t been with anyone else.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m stuck on you and forever will be. Or if it’s because I haven’t found anyone worth my time.
Part of me says I miss it, you, because it was easy. And trying to find someone new is uncomfortable.
It’s like I real life have the angel and the devil on my shoulder. Ones saying there will be better, the hopeful one. And the other is saying that he was my better, he is my one. There isn’t anyone else for you but him.
Starting over is no walk in the park. And getting where we were is no easy feat. What we went through in the four years we were together some people don’t even experience in a life time. You had things happen to you that only happen to the elderly. But it happened to you when you were twenty-one. And I know it was one of the hardest things you went through but it was for me too. Watching you go through that, broke my heart, a million times over.
I don’t know where I got lost on this journey, but I think it was when I lost you. I hate admitting that because I know we are people who can choose our own outcomes within reason. But I really feel like I lost myself, when I lost you.
You haven’t found anyone else yet either and that might be a sign. I wish I could just rewind and stop time. Sometimes they say being strong and staying away is the best medicine for any break up. But I stayed away, I stayed far away. And now all I want is to be back curled up in your arms. With you telling me whatever nonsense I was thinking that day was not true. Or that everything’s going to be okay.
I miss the light I had in my eyes. I miss the light that came from you.
I feel so lost sometimes, most of the time actually and I’m stranded with what to do.