I think part of me thought we’d be back together by now. Or I don’t know what I thought.
These last few days have been numbing to me. My heart physically hurts. It’s officially been 2 years apart maybe that’s why it’s been so hard these past few days.
Part of me thinks because I’ve been staying home to avoid the virus my mind has been idle. Idle to drown myself in all the what if’s and the oh how I miss him thoughts.
I never felt like this about anyone else. Never been this deeply drained down by missing someone. It’s always been like this with you, ever since we were young kids in high school.
I text you but you hardly reply. I know you’re terrible on your phone but the other half of me thinks you’ve completely moved on. It hurts, it hurts so bad. I mean that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.
Soon I’ll say something because it pains me to never say anything. To never let someone truly know how you feel. Bottling it up for me is worse. It causes me so much more hurt. At least if I get a straight answer, just maybe it’ll feel better. Or maybe it’ll hurt more. But I’ll eventually get through it. It’s been two years since you and I stopped being together every day. And man was it so easy at first but now this is so hard to be apart from you.
Typically don’t they say men feel the freedom right away and then the regret comes after??? And for women it’s they feel sad right away and then feel better?? Well clearly I’m an outlier because I totally felt freed at first and now I’m miserable and I’m a woman…
Feelings and emotions demand to be felt but I wish I didn’t feel these feelings now.